What are some of the key elements to a successful relationship with your loved one?
I love to listen to podcasts about successful people and one of the things that keeps popping up is the importance of relationships with loved ones. You do not have to sacrifice your relationship in order to have financial and business success. The opposite is often true. If you have a great relationship at home then you tend to have the right energy to have success in business and money.
Here are 12 of my top tips in no particular order.
Improve the Relationship You Have with Yourself
It is very difficult to love someone else when you do not love yourself. Start with finding ways to be happy in your own skin and love yourself as this is the beginning to being able to love others. Everyday find some "me" time in either meditation, exercise or some pamper time. Reading or listening to things that inspire you can help as you might improve your self confidence. Helping other people always makes you happier. Once you are more happy in your own skin you will find it so much easier to deal with improving your relationship with your loved one.
See the best in your partner
One of the easy things after you have been with your partner for a while is to think of all the things they do wrong. Whatever we focus on expands. So focus on the good things! Do not spend time criticising your partner for all the things they do wrong and instead praise them for what they do right. As my best friend Jannik always says, “Don’t hate, congratulate!”
It is so easy to do this one at the beginning of a relationship when you are in the honeymoon stage. However, after some time when things die down a little it is often easy to put this to the side. Also, kids tend to ruin your sex life in more ways than one. Make sure you do connect more. Body contact releases incredible chemicals in your body that decreases stress levels like cortisol and therefore helps you be happier. If you have more date nights, make more time for each other and both make an effort then this one is an easy one to work on.
A better way to put this one is to be teammates. Marie often says to me that we need to not always agree on everything but we need to look at it as we are on the same team. The world is out to fight you so you better pick your closest partner to be in your corner. Find ways to agree on certain things and sacrifice a few things so you can be the best of friends.
Find Common Goals
Many times we fall in love because of a few similarities and wanting to achieve the same things in life. However, this can often change and therefore the relationship suffers. If you find a few common goals each year to work towards then you both get an understanding of the sacrifice needed. Setting these goals together and getting an understanding of what is important will help too. Marie and I are convinced that our goal is to do what is best for our kids. We feel that splitting a part is not an option so we might as well make the best of being together. We also have a few big goals like living in a place where the weather is great, where we can be close to the sea and enjoy loads of great food. Having these common goals made it easy for us to choose Valencia as a place where we wanted to live. After one year we are incredibly happy here and one of those reasons is that our kids are happy.
Say I Love You
I will admit this is something I have not been good at from time to time. However, a big squeeze and saying I love you makes the day so much better. You will never regret saying it too much but can definitely regret not saying it at all.
Why more hugs? Oxytocin! The love hormone. Every time you hug someone you release oxytocin which reduces stress and makes us feel calmer. Everyone needs a hug, actually stop reading this now and go hug someone, just come back and get the last few tips.
Focus on What is Fixable
Why would we ever get angry or focus on things that are not fixable. Instead focus on the things that are. Many relationships fight over money issues. Sit down and work out what can be solved in this area.
Accept the Unsolvable
You will always have certain things that just do not have any solutions. Accept these challenges as they are and do not dwell on them. For example, if you feel that your partner is always messy no matter how many times you have told them so then just look past that and understand that you are different. It can be anything like lifestyle preference, neatness, how to spend money, household chores, values, discipline of the children, activity level, ambition and religion. Of course work on finding solutions but if you can never get there then understand that the majority of differences will never have a solution.
Seek To Understand...Not Agree
I have studied “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey many times. One of the key habits is all about seeking to understand first. You will never agree on everything. However, first listen and hear each other out. Then figure out how important something is to each person. If one of you thinks it’s way more important than the other then maybe a little sacrifice from one and the issue is solved.
Be Grateful for Your Partner
When we appreciate something and focus on the good we will always tend to get more of it. Having gratitude for something makes us happier and healthier according to loads of studies. Every now and then write down a few things you are grateful for about your partner.
Do something new and have fun! Life is too short to take too seriously. When you have fun and joke around most of the time then it is easier to have a great relationship. Do not take yourself too seriously and do not take the relationship too seriously. It is of course something that is very special and needs attention but have fun while improving your relationship.
Please share with us below in the comments something that you have taken away from this article that you will now apply to your relationship.
I also want to say how grateful I am that Marie will check over this article and remind me daily to follow this.